孩子们’头脑是一个难题。与孩子一起工作了这么多年（与曾经是孩子的大人一起工作），我惊讶于他们所携带的恶魔，以及他们如何利用幼稚的结论来引导他们的生活。我看到的客户越多，我就越相信没有办法预测孩子们将如何解释他们的年轻生活以及他们以后的生活将如何。孩子’的智力难题成年’s mind puzzle that is even harder to solve. 崔西’的故事是一种很好的了解情况的好方法。
崔西 came to my life coaching deck with her partner. Ben, her partner and the father of their child, had said she needed help but he had no idea how to get it. 崔西 had not contacted me, had not completed the session preparations and had not even talked to me before coming, so this was an unusual session.
崔西 was a beautiful young woman. Her hair was tied back and she looked tired, as if she had spent weeks crying. She was 27 years old and was preparing for her wedding. She had a one-year-old boy, a great job and … a demon.
“Hi, 崔西. Thank you for coming. What brings you here?” I asked.
她看着本，开始哭了。我把纸巾盒给了她，然后等待。她非常努力地制止。每次她说些什么，眼泪又开始流逝，她and住了。本握住她的手，小声说，“You can do it”。在她终于开始告诉我她的故事之前，她看着他，看着我一段时间。
“你能告诉我你看到了什么吗？” I asked.
“It is very vague…我觉得这跟我爸有关…我可以看到自己在6或7岁时和另一个女孩一起玩…她是我的邻居，我们在一起玩得很多。我想有人对我们俩都做了点事…我可以看到我的父亲尖叫并与她的父亲吵架…我想我爸强奸了我们俩”，她设法说。
“你还记得你父亲对你做的事吗？” I asked.
“No”, she said.
I asked many questions and joined some pieces of this puzzle. At the age of 7, 崔西’s mother left her father. 崔西 and her 14-year-old sister Kelly went to live with their mom and her 12-year-old brother Sean stayed with their dad. “I miss Sean a lot”, 崔西 said.
“Wow, it’从那时起已有20年了。你上一次是什么时候’看过你的兄弟吗？”我问，她开始哭了。 Ben握住她的手，沉默了很长时间，他说：“She hasn’t seen him since”. 崔西 never knew why her mom had decided to leave her dad. Her mom had re-married, 离婚d and never kept contact with her son or her ex-husband, so both the girls did not know where he was. “当我们问妈妈时，她说和他爸爸一样，’最好考虑他死了”.
“你还记得你爸爸吗？” I asked her.
崔西 left home with her mom and her older sister Kelly. Mom re-married and 离婚d again and after her sister moved out, 崔西 counted the days until she finished high school and drove with 2 other girls from her high school to another state.
“我一生都觉得自己像个孤儿”, she said, “我一年一次见妈妈和姐姐，一年两次与他们交谈”.
When I asked some questions about the relationship between them, I felt a bit confused. 崔西 talked about Kelly fondly, but expressed a lot of anger towards her mom. When I asked about the relationship between her mom and her sister, she said, “凯利讨厌整个世界。她是一个悲伤和愤怒的女人。与她交谈时，您总是认为她在藏东西。我可以’t stand it”.
崔西 left home at the age of 17. “我学会了依靠自己。当你不穿’没有人帮助您，您发现自己可以做很多事情。我在一家律师事务所找到了工作，我非常好，他们派我去学习，对我很友善”.
For ten years after leaving home, life smiled at 崔西, until she gave birth to her first child…
“Suddenly, being an orphan was not OK. 孩子们 need both of their parents”， 她哭了。本一直握着她的手并支持她。“我想与家人分享生孩子的快乐，我不能’t。妈妈和姐姐从未见过我们的儿子，我对我的父亲很生气。我想知道他在哪里。我想念了肖恩，搜寻了所有的记忆，只有这件事发生了。不管我多么努力地搜寻，这个记忆不断增加”.
在一个阶段，本说他会去车上并很快回来。他们俩互相看着对方，好像他们已经同意了他会独自离开她一样。当他离开时，她说，“我认为这种记忆毁了我的生活。我非常爱本。我们在一起已经四年了，我现在避免和他发生性关系”, she said.
“自从您的儿子出生以来，您和Ben之间发生了什么事？” I asked.
I explained to 崔西 that what she was experiencing was similar to anxiety. While anxiety is being possessed 通过 a horrible imaginary future, 崔西 was possessed 通过 a vague imaginary past. 崔西 was tortured. She wanted to know the truth but was afraid of that truth. It was like waiting for the phone to ring to hear some bad news.
Amazingly, most clients who face difficulties know what they have to do, they only need a little help to build up the courage to do it. I asked 崔西 over and over again, “What do you want?”起初，她说她不想记住它，她不想感到自己被入侵，她不想拒绝本，她也不想感到自己像个孤儿，但最后，她说，“我想知道发生了什么事。我必须知道发生了什么”.
她有权知道发生了什么，到她离开时，我知道她会做任何事情来找出真正发生了什么。“I’请问我姐姐。事情发生时她才14岁，所以她’ll remember”, she said.
Two weeks later, 崔西 came for another session, this time 通过 herself. I could swear she looked different. She had some make up on and her hair was loose. She looked sexy. She smiled and said, “I didn’不需要来，但我想谢谢你”.
It had taken 崔西 3 days to call her sister. Every time Ben had asked if she had called, she had said she would do it later. On the 3rd 晚上，他曾说过“What do you want?”她拿起电话，深吸一口气，给她姐姐打电话’s phone number.
崔西 had a 3-hour conversation with her sister, in which she discovered the missing pieces of her life’s puzzle. While 崔西 was trying hard to remember, her sister spent all her life trying to forget. 崔西 and the neighbor’的女孩是非常好的朋友，经常互相玩耍’的房子。有一天，邻居’s daughter came to 崔西’在家里玩耍时，她说父亲一直在抚摸她，并告诉她这是他们的秘密，因此她永远不要告诉任何人。
崔西’爸爸听到女孩子在说话，然后冲出屋子。“爸爸说他要杀了邻居”, Kelly said. 崔西’s mom tried to stop him, but with no success. Everyone came out of the house while the two men were yelling at each other on the street. 崔西’s friend stood there screaming, her father grabbed her 通过 the hand and said she was not allowed to come over to 崔西’s house ever again. 崔西 stood there and cried. Her dad grabbed her 通过 the hand, pulled her back into the house and said she was not allowed to go over to her friend’s house.
崔西 never forgave her dad for not keeping it a 秘密 and for being the reason she had lost her best friend. Not long after, her dad found out her mom was having an affair with the same neighbor. They had constant fights until one day, her mom took the two girls and left home.
“Why the two girls?”我问。我觉得整个事情都是从电影中拿走的。
At first, her dad tried to contact the girls, but 崔西 was convinced the whole thing had something to do with the incident with the neighbor and was so angry with her dad she refused to talk to him. One day, she told him on the phone, “我恨你。我希望你死了”，他不再打电话。
“She was angry with my friend for not keeping the 秘密, she was angry with Dad for revealing the girl’s 秘密, she was angry with Sean for not keeping the 秘密 of Mom and the neighbor, so she figured none of this would’ve happened if we all knew how to keep a 秘密…”
这让我意识到孩子们不懂秘密。你说的话“secret”, you allow demons to take over their mind and torture them for years. I looked at 崔西. She had taken all the right facts and had come up with a totally different story, which made me think, “您永远不会知道孩子从（痛苦的）经历中得出什么结论”.
崔西 told me she was very busy arranging things for their wedding. “在我们的新婚之夜，本和我要在城市的一家旅馆里住一个房间，凯利要和我们的儿子一起过夜”。我意识到这将是凯利第一次见到她的小侄子。
When you coach someone, you never know how far the ripple of positive 更改 will reach. From my point of view, Kelly was the victim, the real orphan chased 通过 秘密 demons of a child trying to make sense of a family chaos. “这很容易成为电影的剧本”， 我心想。
崔西 left and I finished writing notes in my folder and though I would keep it a 秘密 for a few years and then tell the whole world.
两个月后，我收到了本的一封电子邮件，“凯利飞了过去，与我们一起度过了10天，为婚礼做准备。她很棒。一世’ve never seen 崔西 so happy. Thank you!”