零用钱是许多父母关注的话题。“什么时候开始？” and “How much to give?”是几乎每个父母都在苦苦挣扎的问题。要回答这些问题，大多数父母应该首先回答以下问题：
我很惊讶。我父母很少，每当我们要求父亲给我们买东西时，他说，“We don’t have 钱”。因此，在我看来，零花钱是有钱孩子的一部分’ life.
She could count, so it was OK to give 她的 钱. She actually went with us to the shops and bought things with 她的 own pocket 钱. I remember that one day we went to the shops and wanted to buy candy. She had to decide whether to get expensive candy with a nice box or not and I could see the wheels turning in 她的 brain.
多年来，我在抚养三个孩子并与许多父母一起工作的同时，了解到大多数父母对零用钱的态度不正常。实际上，即使是我最初的回答“Why?” was dysfunctional.
- Isn’t this what I’m supposed to do?
健康的态度是这样的：您知道，给孩子零花钱是一种安全的方式 他们 学习和实践良好的资金管理准备 他们自己 为现实世界。
功能失调的态度是关于您的管理 您的 钱或 您的 emotions. Here is a perfect example of a 对零用钱的不正常态度.
布里奇特 was a 15-year-old girl. Both 她的 parents were accountants. She came to me because of a struggle she had with 她的 dad. She was cutting 她的self, was taking anti-depressants, had an eating disorder, could not sleep and struggled at school. She was so controlled 通过 她的 parents that she found very dysfunctional, dangerous (and all too common) ways to deal with 她的 pressure.
Since she had an eating disorder, I tired learning about 她的 eating habits and was very surprised to discover that there were no fruits or vegetables at home and that 她的 parents bought only frozen ready-to-eat meals to reheat in the microwave oven. They had packets of 2-minute noodles, no bread, no cheese and no eggs. Not even cans of food.
There was no dining table at home and they never, ever sat down to eat together (only when they visited 她的 grandmother, which was rare, because 她的 mom had a conflict with 她的 own mother). 布里奇特 normally ate in 她的 room and 她的 parents ate on the sofa in front of the TV.
When I asked 布里奇特 how long this has been happening, she shrugged and said, “Always”.
When I met 她的 parents, they told me she was a spoiled child, because they gave 她的 lots of pocket 钱. Her weekly allowance was 10 times what I gave my own daughter. At first, I thought maybe I needed to re-evaluate how much I gave my daughter, 10 times is a big difference, so I asked 他们 how they came up with that number.
布里奇特的50％’s pocket 钱 was for the bus she took to school. They lived in a remote suburb and 布里奇特 had to take 2 busses in each direction, which took 4 hours each day. Her parents dropped 她的 off at the bus station, about 7 minutes from their home, and picked 她的 up from there at the end of the day. This meant she had to wake up at 5:30 every morning and be in bed at 9:30 to get a reasonable amount of sleep.
她没有’t! And that escalated. 她没有’睡眠不足，所以她无法集中精力在学校。然后，她开始服用抗抑郁药，并且有失眠的副作用，直到她最终不得不开始服用安眠药。
20% of 她的 allowance was spent on 她的 smartphone. She inherited in from 她的 father every two years when he upgraded his phone on a $100 monthly plan. Every month, she had to pay for a “top up”.
Her parents were convinced they were preparing 她的 for life, saying, “如果她想发很多短信，应该为此付费 ”. When I talked to 布里奇特, she said she mostly called 她的 parents to let 他们 know when she was ready to be picked up from the bus station. On the bus, to avoid using data, she read books.
She used another 20% of 她的 钱 to buy food at the school canteen, which 她的 parents allowed to do 2 days a week. They were convinced it was a good lesson for 她的 not to buy food every day at the canteen.
当我问布里奇特关于食堂的食物时，她说它的味道很糟糕，没有朋友可以坐，而且由于她很难集中精神，所以她在休息时间工作并且没有’t always have the time to go to the canteen during lunchtime. When I asked 她的 about morning tea or afternoon tea, she said, “买早茶并不比买午餐便宜”，她不得不在两者之间进行选择。
My head was spinning. I immediately started thinking about what my daughter took to school. Carrots? Cucumbers? Fruit? 布里奇特 said she did not eat anything like that.
When I asked what happened on the other 3 days each week, 她的 parents said she took food from home or used the last 10% of 她的 pocket 钱 to buy whatever she wanted. This part of the allowance also covered all of 她的 self-care products.
I was thinking about how much it cost me to buy my daughter sanitary pads for 她的 period. 布里奇特 did not have much left after that. Her parents said, “她必须知道钱不会长在树上”.
布里奇特’s 预算 seemed tight to me, but I tried to work with 她的 on 她的 logistics and 钱 arrangement. She left home at 6:30am and got back at around 6pm. The closest supermarket was 5 minutes away 通过 car, 15 minutes 通过 bike and 40 minutes on foot. Since she usually got home when it was dark, and she had math tutoring 3 times a week at 6pm, she could only go shopping on weekends.
I asked 她的 parents, “So someone has to take 她的 to the shops to buy pads, self-care things and food with 她的 own 钱?” They both said, “No, it’s not 她的 钱. It’s ours”.
On the weekend, 她的 dad played Golf, 她的 mom cleaned the house and when she went shopping, 布里奇特 had to come. With “her”钱，她只买酒吧。“水果和蔬菜很贵”，她说，并补充说她不知道怎么做。
When I asked 她的 what she did in primary school, she said she learned to go early so she could get some bread and jam for breakfast. I always knew there were kids who had no food at home, but always thought it was because their families were poor, and their parents had to leave home early to get to work.
布里奇特 thought she was ungrateful. When she failed at school, pocket 钱 would drop. Some days she didn’t go to school because she had no 钱 left for the bus. It was a vicious cycle, but 她的 parents were convinced they were the greatest parents on Earth. They thought they had pocket 钱 perfectly figured out.
然而，布里奇特’的父母可以定期支付家教费。他们付钱给我与她一起工作，但他们并不关心她的基本需求。食物是基本需求。如果需要从公共汽车上接她，则基本需要手机。上学是一个基本需求。如果您选择住在Woop Woop的后方，而您的女儿在步行距离内没有朋友，那么她就不需要用公车付款来上学“her” 钱!
如果你曾经告诉过你的孩子“This is my 钱”并期望他们为这笔钱乞求或努力工作，那么您对养育子女的态度就会失调，而不仅仅是零花钱。
再说一次，如果你不’没有钱，你的孩子会明白的，但是如果你有和“us vs. 他们”从心态上讲，您给孩子们的唯一教训就是金钱是一种生存工具，是万恶之源，但事实并非如此！